My husband and I thought we would have a hard time getting pregnant. We’ve had many “accidents” and nothing happened. We weren’t being careful because we were married and although not committed 100 percent to conceiving yet, we knew we wanted a family at some point. Because of some reproductive issues I had, we thought we’d better pseudo try sooner rather than later. Our motto was, “whatever happens, happens”. It would be a blessing.
We thought we’d have a hard time getting pregnant since I’ve always had irregularly long periods, my hormones were out of wack and I had ovarian cysts galore. In May I started seeing a gyno recommended to me by my mother in law. The doc was kind of an asshole (she could be very condescending if I wasn’t firm) but she explained everything to me in detail, from my out of wack hormones to the effect they may be having on me, to the possible treatments. A couple of weeks of progesterone, 2 months of reluctant birth control, followed by chucking the birth control and practicing our motto, and boom shakalaka….PREGNANT.
I was feeling…weird. I can’t explain it, I don’t even know if I quite remember the feeling anymore. But I took a pregnancy test and a very very very faint line said I was pregnant. With each test each day after that the line got darker and darker. Definitely pregnant then. I was shocked, not quite receiving the message, the husband was too. I started spotting and went to the emergency room, they told me it could be a possible miscarriage, they couldn’t see the sack, my pregnancy hormones were low (hcg levels). The docs were matter of fact. I was scared and also, not quite receiving the message. My husband was very loving and positive the entire time.
I went to my gyno, she callously said the same thing, most early pregnancies end in miscarriages, most women don’t even notice. A chemical pregnancy it’s called. She took some blood tests. I called the office back in a couple of days, if my hcg levels had doubled it was a good sign. They had more than doubled. I came in a few days later and they could see my little itty bitty peanut with the sonogram machine. It was unreal, I was pregnant! I still couldn’t quite believe it. I eventually changed doctors to one closest to my new place and I didn’t have a 50 dollar copay each time! Good cause we are broke! Me and hubby moved in with the in laws, not because of the pregnancy, it had already been planned.
The Pregnancy: the good the bad and the ugly
Ill start with the bad, since it was the first: Sick sick sick sick sick sick. Do you hear me? Sick…Nauseous, acid reflux everyday 24/7 for the first 4 months, without throwing up. It. Was. Horrid. Nothing helped, stick your ginger and seltzer and saltines up your ass, thank you very much. Just murder me seriously. It was like nothing I had ever experienced. I went through labor and the pains along with it and I would still rather have done that once a month than experience that nausea non stop 24/7. I was all about eating healthy during my pregnancy, not taking medications, meditating…all that shit goes right out the window when you are so sick and there is not one bit of relief.
Well, I tried everything under the sun, then month 3 or 4 came and I was throwing up non stop for 3 days, couldn’t even keep water down. Eventually I got hospitalized for slight dehydration, my doc gave me some anti nausea meds, and that helped a bit for a small amount of time, I happily took them. Eventually, I think month 5, I permanently went on Diclegis and that was a more long term solution. I remember the first time in months I didn’t feel nausea, I had a popsicle that I didn’t instantly want to throw up…And I cried, a deep heartfelt cry of relief.
The pills weren’t magic though, if I skipped a dose the nausea would come back. At this point eating DID help a lot, I had to eat every 2 to 3 hours or I would still get sick. And some days, nothing helped and I got sick no matter what. But at least it wasn’t 24/7.
The good: I enjoyed seeing my baby at each ultrasound, She was jumping around in there at 12 weeks. My husband always gave me tons of attention, but now he was very protective of me and some days I felt like a princess and loved it and some day I wanted to slap him! Hormones ey. I loved to see my body change, the incredible accommodation it had to do to harbor my child, it’s astounding. Nature just knows. I watched impatiently as my belly grew sooooo slowly. I wanted to be big! I watched and felt as my baby butterfly kicks turned into lunges that only I felt, and then it rocked my entire belly and everyone could feel her. People (some) were extra nice and accommodating, which is appreciated as it honestly did make my life easier. Allowing me to sit at work, opening a door for me, cooking for me, asking if I needed help with something and so much more, the little things. Thank you all.
The ugly: Around the 27th week (I THINK) things got ugly. Before this I had some swelling, it was getting worse and worse and worse. Cosmetically, my ankles and knees were disappearing, my fingers couldn’t accommodate my wedding ring, my face had taken up quite some plumpness. I was ok with it, I was pregnant, it was “normal”, I had no one to impress (my hubby called me beautiful every single day and I decided to believe him:)), I knew it would all go away aaaand I was way too uncomfortable to give a flying fuck! This would have been fine if it wasn’t for the ankle pain, foot pain, knee pain. My back hurt, my neck hurt, my fingers hurt, what the fuck? I had so much acid reflux it beat the nausea in getting me to throw up. I was so tired and overwhelmed with peoples advice, everyone thought they could cure me. I was sleepy all the time, it hurt to walk and talk and BE. I wanted with all my heart for my baby to be perfect and arrive when she wanted but my God, I also wanted to be DONE. It felt like there was no more room left and I was about to pop.
Call the OB now
On March 6 2018, I was 34 weeks and 4 days pregnant, I woke up with my face swollen like a balloon. I got up , I threw up, called out of work and stayed in bed all day. The swelling didn’t go down and I started getting a headache so I called my husband unsure as to call my obgyn, I always think I’m over complaining when I’m probably an under complainer. Hubby said call. I called, told them I was swollen and had a headache, they asked if I had a pain under my right breast, I did, I thought it was the baby’s position. I guess it wasn’t. They told me to head to labor and delivery(not their office) one of my doctors was there and she would check me out.
We get to labor and delivery and my blood pressure is 180 over 100 something. In retrospect I see that the nurse might have been trying to keep a straight face. They take me to the labor and delivery room which I find odd, my doc comes in explains I have severe preeclempsia (a dangerous pregnancy condition caused by high blood pressure) and I will be leaving the hospital with a baby. It takes me and my husband sometime to figure out what she means. She has to phrase it a different way, I’m not leaving the hospital, and the baby has to be delivered today or tomorrow. Hooooly cow.
I’ll tell you something, I was praying everything would go well of course, but I was secretly content that it was finally over, all the pain, nausea, tightness, exhaustion was at a close and better than all that, I would finally hold my baby in my arms, I’ve been yearning for her. (I didn’t know it was a her at the time, the gender was a surprise)
My pregnancy overall
Well, I was excited to be pregnant before I was pregnant. And I think I can honestly say that if it wasn’t for the nausea I would have had a grand old time being pregnant, I liked my pregnant body all 40 extra pounds of it (before the swelling got intensely painful), I respect what my body has to go through to support a baby, I loved feeling the kicks and the life inside me. But the nausea man, that nausea had me floored for 8-9 months, I worked and I walked and I moved but it was a monumental effort. I want to have more kids in the future, I just sincerely hope the nausea doesn’t hit me as bad. That’s it. And medically I hope preeclempsia doesn’t surface again because apparently I was in a very dangerous situation, but that will be for me and my docs to work out. In the end I had a healthy if preemie, baby girl. Read my next post for my delivery story.